Back in the old days, fake titties were a rarity. They were generally confined to the extremely rich, the hopelessly vain, or residents of California. (I realize that most Californicators are rich and/or vain, but I include them in the list because they're the root of all stupid trends and deserve a tweak.)
Unfortunately, in the past few years, plastic boobs have become a middle-class status symbol. This means two things: First, they're getting to Rochester ten years after they arrived everywhere else. Second, like the hood ornament on an Escalade, "the bigger the better."
Now, your pal Rottenchester doesn't get out that much, and I hang with an over-30-with-kids crowd, so I'm probably late to this party. But I saw my first obvious set of fake titties on a friend the other day and, ladies, let me tell you, it was a true waste of $10K. They were wrong in so many ways:
Let's start with proportion. If you're barely an A cup before the operation, getting to a C is going to be a stretch, literally. Realize this: until your body accommodates these large foreign bodies which have been shoved deep into your chest, you will look like you're wearing two inverted soup bowls topped with maraschino cherries. In other words, you will look almost comical if you wear anything but a loose sweater. Even after you skin stretches to accommodate those implants, you'll probably have lines, ripples and boobs up to your
collarbones.
A byproduct of stretching is that your nipples are being pushed up, hard. You're going to be popping out all over. I'll definitely enjoy it, but you don't want a pervert like me staring at your erect nipples, do you?
Perhaps appearance doesn't bother you - maybe you want to have obviously fake hooters. Lets move on to the skill of your surgeon and the money you have to spend on this project. That $10K you spent on the surgery was probably your tittie budget for life. In fact, you probably financed the operation. What happens if you're not happy with the result? There's no money-back guarantee in plastic surgery. You could be in for more operations at $5 or $10 K a pop.
A side note - I'm using $10K as the price for your boob job, and you might think that's high. You might point to some local general surgeon or shaman who will do it for much less in his grimy office. Believe me, this is one area in life where you get what you pay for - have it done in a hospital by a board-certified plastic surgeon who does a lot of boob jobs.
Finally, one question: Why are you indulging your husband this way? And don't tell me it is "for you". You're not enduring a painful operation and adding extra weight to your chest because it feels good. You're doing it for men. That makes you a sap, and therefore less attractive to discerning men. Of course, most men are pigs and like fake tits, but why cater to them. Just like the beer is never cold enough for them, the tits are never big enough. Your body will never meet their expectations, so why try? (At least make him lipo his fat gut first.)
Look, I'm a man, I like tits, and I'm all for doing what makes a relationship work. But, really, you're the mother of children. You want to go through general anesthetic (risking death) and implantation of a foreign object (risking disfigurement, infection and death), all for fake titties? Just blow the guy a few more times a month and he'll forget all about your boobs. Better that than motherless children.
People bitch and moan about how Rochester is "unhip" and "behind the times". I'd like to think that people in our fair city don't feel a slavish need to follow every silly trend. Please, ladies, help make Rochester a better place, and keep those titties real.
