Yes, you are lovely. So lovely, in fact, that I would like to have a short, meaningless relationship with you.
Don't worry, not a lot of work, or even physical contact, is involved on your part. I merely desire to gaze upon and admire your classic form.
I'm sad to report, however, that there is something keeping us apart: namely, your attire. Yesterday you chose, wisely I might add, to dress sparingly. Your black spandex sports bra was fetching indeed, and it made a pleasing counterpart to your alabaster skin and shiny navel piercing. Bravo to you from the middle up.
Unfortunately, there was a teensy-weensy issue below the middle: those little yellow short-shorts you were wearing. They really didn't flatter you at all. Perhaps some visual aids will help me explain.
Below is an idealized version of the midsection of the female form. Note the hourglass proportions.
.
For purposes of illustration, I've added a blue line to indicate the traditional location of the waist in the second graphic below. The red line indicates the early 21st century mislocation of the waist. As you can see, they are in quite different positions.
Finally, this last illustration shows the effect that I observed today, exaggerated for emphasis. As you can see, the elastic waist of those shorts dug into your gorgeous hips and made it look like you have "back fat" or "rolls".
This appearance of back fat is only an illusion, one which can be quickly corrected by wearing shorts that are positioned closer to the blue line pictured in the second illustration.
Based on this evidence, I humbly submit that, for the good of our potential relationship, you should get some higher-cut shorts.
I realize that such shorts are currently out of fashion. Today's ugly, low-cut shorts favor women who are shaped like a board. Like most "high fashion", this look can be pulled off only by a select few - in this case, women without curves. The rest of the world, including you and every other woman with hips, must squeeze themselves into ill-cut clothing that creates an artificial and unattractive bulge, all for the sake of the au courant.
Though current fashion would have you think otherwise, hips are beautiful, and most men find them attractive. In fact, men are hard-wired to find them attractive, since they indicate that you are able to mother healthy children, and men's sexual preferences are inextricably linked to your suitability for procreation. (Sorry, we're just built that way.) Your hips are the product of millenia of evolution. For hundreds of generations, women with broad hips were
able to have larger babies, and therefore survived and multiplied.
So, rejoice in your hips. Sport them proudly. Buck the trends and wear clothes that accentuate them. Our future together depends on it.
Shallowly yours,
Rottenchester
