Rottenchester

I know y'all have been waiting breathlessly for my new rant. I've had a hard time getting it posted, but here it is, in all its glory. Thanks for waiting. Hugs to everyone, btw, even the stinky hippies.

My rant today is about the upsell we have to endure when completing almost any transaction with a large corporation, and how it sucks a little bit of humanity out of our daily lives.

I'll start with eating out. Whether it is a fast-food restaurant or a mid-priced chain, there's always an attempt to get you to buy more.

Arby's, for example, has three sizes: medium, large and giant. (Which is nuts, but that's fuel for another, unrelated rant.) The staff is trained to ask you whether you want large or giant when you order - medium isn't offered as a possibility. So if you want a medium, there's an uncomfortable moment when you stop, look at the menu, determine that medium is actually a choice, and then tell the person behind the register, "medium".

I saw this little scene play out almost every time someone ordered at Arby's yesterday, because medium is already huge and who wants to even contemplate the fat ass that they'd have after eating "giant" for lunch? Of course, the person at Arby's HQ who came up with this plan doesn't care that his little ploy alienates the customer and makes the Arby's employee feel like a tool. The only thing on this corporate droid's brain is the small percentage of customers who will upsize because they're too shy or intimidated to say "medium".

Mid-priced chains (Outback Steakhouse, Red Lobster, etc.) are the same. The first interaction with your server is usually a speech: "Welcome to [chain], my name is [name], would you like to start with [greasy overpriced appetizer]?" There's also usually some other point during ordering where the server has another point of upsell (such as adding shrimp to a salad). Instead of viewing the server as someone who can help me understand the menu and who might actually recommend something that's good, I spend my time fending off their attempts to get me to buy the high-margin items that management wants to promote.

Retail is just as bad. There's always the "extended service" warranty at the electronics stores, which is invariably a bad deal. And there's the "club" that you pay to join to get a discount, or the store's special credit card. All of these items are shilled by the minimum wage help manning the cash registers.

Target's a great example. The clerks are trained to ask if you want to apply for a Target Visa before every transaction. The other day, I had to buy two sets of items, one for home and one for my business. I paid for them using different credit cards. Before each transaction, the clerk asked me if I wanted to sign up for the Target Visa card. Hey, I'm the same person I was two seconds ago, and like everyone else, I don't want or need another fucking credit card.

I realize this rant sounds a bit like Andy Rooney whining, but my point isn't just to bitch. I'm actually mourning the loss of positive human interaction that used to occur when ordering a meal or purchasing an item. Instead of having to put up my guard and say "No", I would rather just smile and exchange a pleasantry with the person working behind the counter. Plus, it pains me to see an 18-year-old kid have to act like a tool because his boss at Target will fire him if he doesn't say the same thing every time he opens the cash register. It shouldn't be so hard for him to make enough scratch to buy beer and condoms.

So, this rant is dedicated to the marketing drones at these companies, who are denying me a few tiny human moments in their never-ending quest to add a couple of percentage points to this month's gross. May you all be sent to a special corner of hell where you are forced to wear polyester uniforms and ask "do you want fries with that" to an endless line of pissed-off customers.

The good news is that there are plenty of places in Rochester to get great beer. Here are some of my favorites:

MacGregor's is a paradise made of beer. German beer, Belgian Beer, American Beer, Irish Beer, English Beer: it is all there for the taking. The taps are clean, and the bartenders know the right way to serve each type of beer, so you get your Dunkel in a tall glass with a lemon, and they use a knife to cut the head off of your Belgian wheat beer. The food is greasy bar food, but it comes to your table hot and fresh. Oh, MacGregor's, you are a sweet little slice of heaven.

Beers of the World is the round-the-world of beer: no mere beer bj here. Sweet Jesus, there is a lot of beer in this place. There are also brewing supplies and beer paraphernalia crowding the shelves. This is a destination worthy of a pilgrimage from far-off lands, yet those of us who live in Rochester can get there in 20 minutes or less. Truly, we are blessed by its presence.

Rohrbachs in Gates makes some wonderful beer, and the restaurant serves good German food. They also supply Frontier Field, and if there is a more pleasant way to spend a sunny afternoon than watching a Red Wings game while drinking Rohrbach's beer, I have yet to find it.

Custom Brewcrafters in Honeyoye Falls is a hidden treasure: a little hole-in-the wall tasting room where you can sample their brews before filling your growler. CBC also supplies a number of area bars with custom beers on tap, and they're a welcome alternative to the
major labels.

There's also The Old Toad, Bru, and probably a bunch of others that I've forgotten. This town is swimming in good beer for you to toast your hero or drown your sorrows.

Dibella's makes good subs. The rolls are fresh, the ingredients are good, the portions are big, and the service is outstanding. What's not to like about this place?

Abbott's custard is uncommonly good. Here's a Rochester original that is worth bragging about.

Great Northern Pizza Kitchen doesn't have as many locations as Dibella's or Abbott's, but their pizza is a far cry from your average pie. And it ain't bland.

Tom Wahl's is a good place to get a burger when you're craving one, and you can get red-hots and white-hots there, too. They'll also serve you Wahl's root beer in a frosty mug - tasty.

The Dinosaur isn't technically a Rochester original but they put out some great BBQ at a cool location.

So, there you are: five places in Rochester where you can get food that you won't find on every street corner in America, and none of them have anything to do with those gut-churning placas de la basura.

Mandatory Fatass Disclaimer®: Eating a lot of this food will guarantee a fat ass, but in moderation it is all good stuff.

Fresh Tomato Salsa

4 lg ripe plum tomatoes
1/4 c chopped scallions
1/4 c chopped cilantro
1 tbsp fresh oregano or 1 tsp dry oregano
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp olive oil
2 tsp fresh lime juice
Salt & Pepper to taste
RedHot to taste

This one is easy - just chop everything up and combine it. If you're not using Roma tomatoes, just be sure to get rid of most of the seeds and juice.

Pasta with Tomato and Smoky Bacon

2 lbs ripe tomatoes
6 strips smoked lean bacon, cut into 1-inch pieces
4 tbsp butter
1 onion, chopped
1 tsp dried oregano (or 1 tbsp fresh)
salt and pepper

Seed and chop the tomatoes. If your oregano is dry, mix it into the tomatoes along with the salt and pepper in a bowl, so the oregano has a chance to begin flavoring the tomatoes.

In a large skillet or saucepan, fry the bacon in the butter until the edges crisp up. Add the onion, and cook until the onion is fairly soft (about 5 minutes). Add the tomatoes and cook until the tomatoes break down and the onions are clear (about another 5-10 minutes).

Mix the sauce with 1 lb of pasta - I like angel hair. Top with grated parmesan.

Though this recipe has only a few simple ingredients, the sauce is one of my favorites, and people I cook it for are surprised at how good it tastes. The original recipe called for blanching and peeling the tomatoes, but I don't think that's necessary. The peels break down pretty well during the cooking process.